Remember that time you checked your texts and found one from a good friend, one of your best friends actually. It was early afternoon, you were enjoying a lazy day of reading and obsessively listening to "Forget You" by Cee Lo. You were also looking forward to what most of us refer to as "breakfast for dinner". Technically I think that is really having bacon and pancakes and/or eggs for dinner, but since I, um - you - have neither in your barren fridge, your "breakfast for dinner" will be cereal.
So, you didn't text your BFF back, at least not right away. Maybe you texted later that evening, having been out "running errands" or "taking a nap". I realize you really do these things, but be honest - these are the two excuses you use the most. (In my defense, unless you are my grandmother or well, my grandmother, I probably will not pick up the phone if I am out running errands, or (especially) at a restaurant. The cell phone is for MY convenience, not yours (unless I think the phone call will result in something really fun I will make an exception))
Or maybe someone IMd you at work that you didn't want to talk to. Or, they needed to talk to you, but you didn't have what they wanted, or that person just annoys you. You feel compelled to reply, after all, you don't want them to think that you are not working. A quick "in a meeting" should suffice. Some people think that if you are in a meeting you can still respond, since multitasking is so prevalent. A response back from that person can quickly be shut down by an "In a meeting and am projecting" (my job requires running a lot of meetings with lots of powerpoint files projecting on the wall). "On a call", "Have someone in my office" can also be used as actual reasons or good excuses.
Cornell University coined the term "Butler Lies". Just like Butlers (the people), Butler lies act as social buffers, letting people know we are busy when we really are just trying to avoid them. Reviewing 5400 texts, 10.7 were deceptive. Of the 10% deceptive texts, 30% of those were Butler lies **Information "borrowed" from a NYTimes Article**. What could the other 70% of deceptive texts be? "No I did not sleep with your best friend?" "No, I did not leave lipgloss in my pocket in the pants you just washed. Yes, I am sorry all of your white shirts are a lovely shade of pink?" Both lies? HMMMM.
Butler lies can cause life to become complicated. An "I'm staying in" text on Saturday Evening when you really have dinner plans, can backfire if the three parties are together at a later date and said evening is referenced.
You take a sick day - you are sick. You should not spend all day updating your facebook status with pictures of central park and how beautiful and wonderful it is to be outdoors.
You are supposed to be at book club, but you use the facebook "check in" feature. Suddenly everyone on facebook, including your husband, knows that you are at an 80's dance party at Lincoln Center.
These hypothetical examples above that I may or may not have used in the past are more examples of how technology has complicated our lives. I will admit that I spent a few frantic minutes googling the message "See who has viewed you on Facebook". I had checked out photos of ex-boyfriends and maybe some of their girlfriends (current and ex). Do these people not know about FB Security Settings? Luckily, Facebook FAQ informed me "no, no one can see whether you have viewed their facebook". Would my friend from college think it was weird that I had looked at every single one of her photo albums of family vacations? Thank goodness I don't have to find out.
Most of you know, I am an iPhone user. Two things that annoy me about the iPhone. If a text does not send - which happens quite frequently in my apartment with 8" thick Masonite walls, the iPhone is not smart enough to resend the text once it gets reception. My 2003 Palm Smartphone has the sophisticated technology - like the Little Engine that Could, it kept trying and trying until the text was sent. I had a friend visiting NY in March. I went to my phone to send her a text with my office phone number and found that a text I had tried to send in January in response to a SEC Bowl Game victory had never sent. AARRGGGHHH. Also, sometimes you cannot tell when a text was received, especially if it is part of a "conversation". There is probably some explanation in the 120 page Apple iPhone manual PDF that I downloaded but I hate reading on a computer screen. Sometimes is it critical to know what time a text or phone call was made. Like, was it after that 3rd bottle of wine?
Our Butler Lie infused lives are going to become a little trickier now. "Black Berry Messaging" or "BBM" is a snobby little club that allows people with Black Berries to text each other for free and exclude all non BB users. Well, your lives just got a lot more complicated. Black Berry users can now track when their texts are read by the receiving party. BOOM. BUSTED. Forget using, "I had already gone to bed" or "I was in a meeting and couldn't check my phone"
Google Latitude allows you to track the location of your friends. Forget, "I am stuck on the bus." or "traffic is crazy!" Luckily, like Facebook, you have to "accept" someone to allow them you follow your location. And, you location is only disclosed if you launch the application and allow it to run in the background.
It took me a while to embrace texting. It's odd, actually, because I am always the one with the newest technology. I am not sure why I was so resistant to texting. I think texting is fantastic when you are in a packed and noisy bar and you need to tell someone where you are (we're in the back by the plastic palm tree). I think it is annoying to IM or Text when the conversation could be had in 3 minutes, instead of 10 minutes of typing back and forth. My last boyfriend asked me out on our first date via text. Could that have been a sign of things to come? Like inability to communicate? Fear of confrontation, rejection, yada, yada, yada?
Also, remember, you are putting something in writing. Texting "I love you" at 2:30 in the morning to someone you have been dating a few weeks - not smart. Texting "I love you" to anyone but the attended recipient - embarrassing. Lets not get into photos (Anthony Wiener). I can't remember why I took a photo of my sock with a hole in it, but I accidentally sent it to a friend one night. I don't know how or why it happened, but now she has it for all of history. And so do I, because I have a phone that keeps track of conversations between another person and me.
Does all this technology make us all a bunch of liars? Isn't it so much easier to tell someone you don't feel like doing "X" over text instead of in person or on the phone. Those mediums where you have "real" interaction: seeing a disappointed face, or a sigh in their voice. Yes it absolutely does. I had been on 3 dates with a guy and knew that there should not be a fourth. I let his calls go to voicemail, I called when I knew he couldn't answer the phone until I figured out how to handle the situation. I knew in my heart a text or email would be rude, no matter how much I wanted to text or email. Especially if my email said "sent from my iPhone" at the bottom. Like, she couldn't even take the time to sit at a computer? She wrote this email on her phone waiting for the bus?!?!?" So, I worried and worried about what to say, played out each scenario in my head, planned my opening statement (did I mention we had only been on 3 dates?) and I called him. All of that stress and anxiety I experienced was wrapped up in a two minute phone call. He understood, he has been told that before, it has been nice spending time with you, etc.
I just sucked it up and did it. And it wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. I don't want to get back on my "human interaction" soapbox, but we should interact more with real people. You might not want to tell your best friend that you don't want to go to her kid's dance recital. A quick phone call to say, "Unfortunately I cannot make the recital tomorrow. I know that she will be fantastic with all the hard work she put in to practicing. Give her a big hug for me." So much better than, "can't make tomorrow, sorry" via text.
No comments:
Post a Comment