It Was a Pretty Good Week Until I Had a Breakdown

It has been a busy week down here in South Africa!  I had a friend visit from NY this week.  I will take a page from my blogger buddy on the upper east side and use aliases to protect the innocent.  SusieQUWS took a few days off work and came to check out this amazing place.  After touching down, she was ready to go!  Saturday found us at the Ann VanDyk Cheetah Centre I wrote about in an earlier post.  When you come to Africa you want to see animals, right?  Sunday I wanted to show her Arts on Main.  Its like Smorgasburg in Brooklyn - lots of food stalls and works by local craftspeople.  We jumped in the car, programmed the GPS and headed out.  Unfortunately, the highway was closed for a bike race.  THE HIGHWAY WAS CLOSED!  Who closes an entire highway.  Normally a GPS would re-route you but since I don't know my way around, I didn't even know which way to drive to get re-routed properly.  It kept trying to get me to drive around the block to get back on the highway.  Luckily, I had a Plan B.  It was such a beautiful day, I took her to Fourways Market to listen to live music outside and enjoy the outdoor food market.  We gave the 30,000 bike riders time to drive down that stupid highway, then tried our luck again to get to Arts on Main.  We had better luck the 2nd time.  Arts is in an area of Joburg called Maboneng.  It is gritty and rough and slowly gentrifying.  It was a sharp contrast to the touristy area I live in.

Monday found us venturing to the Lion Park for a safari.  I am not sure what Lion Park I called when they told me the feedings were at 12:30 and 2:00 but when we arrived at 1:30, we had missed the only feeding of the day they had at 1:00.

By the way, my GPS basically only works one way.  It can get me home (if it decides to work at all).  I think there must be a short in it somewhere because I was able to use the GPS to go to the aiport to pick up SusieQ, but on the way home it refused to work so I had to use my iphone.  I think I have mentioned that the GPS lady gives way better instructions than Waze or Google Maps, with more warning when a turn is in my future, instructions on which lane to be in, etc.  Getting to the Lion Park we had to use Waze because the GPS couldn't find the address.  Luckily, it can find the address of my hotel, so we were successful in getting home.

Before our safari drive we had an "interaction" with the lion cubs.  I know, I have also read all the horrible things about the animals used in these petting sessions.  I saw the drugged out animals in Thailand.  Lioness only have 4 teats so when they have more than four cubs, the weaker ones are pushed out and eventually starve to death if they are not killed by their mother first.  The cubs used in this interaction are the "rejects".  They are raised by the trainers and eventually are used in the "walk with the lions" activity up until they are 15 months old.  At that point they are moved into one of the adult enclosures when they can fend for themselves.

Monday we had been disappointed because we wanted to feed the giraffe but he had other ideas.  We went to the feeding platform and there was no giraffe to be found.  Tuesday we were headed to the elephant and monkey sanctuary.  I knew that there was a giraffe at the Rhino and Lion Park so we made a brief stop there to feed Sunshine, the Giraffe.

The Lion and Rhino park actually had an address that the GPS recognized.  We turned down the appointed road and drove for 10 minutes when the GPS announced we had arrived.  We were in the middle of nowhere.  A quick check with google maps and we found out we actually had to drive 20 more minutes further down the road.  I guess this is just life in Africa!

We got really lucky with feeding Sunshine.  It took us a few minutes of shaking the bucket to lure her away from her position by the feeding trough.  She dutifully ate all of our delicious pellets.  Another group arrived about 15 minutes after she had finished her snack with us.  We were enjoying the beautiful weather and an adult beverage and watching Sunshine and the random American Bison hanging out together.  I guess Sunshine was full from our snack because the group tried for 10 minutes to entice Sunshine over for another bite but she was having none of it.  They left, dejected.

We headed over to the Elephant Sanctuary for our 2pm meet and greet.  I knew the GPS knew how to get to the location (and I knew she would tell me I had arrived about 1/2 mile before I was actually there).  This is actually my 3rd trip to the Elephant Sanctuary this year.  I am just fascinated by elephants.  It really is a great interactive experience.

Of course, I had to get my kiss from the elephant.  It's actually like putting a vacuum cleaner hose up to your cheek.  Unfortunately, they have been eating pellets off the ground so you get a nice sandy coating on your cheek!

After the elephant interaction, we toured the monkey sanctuary.  Most of these monkeys were people's pets that were rescued by the sanctuary when their owners couldn't handle them anymore.

Barney was helping pick the nits out of my hair

My face lotion must taste fantastic because Barney kept licking my face

These monkeys were OBSESSED with the sparkles on my shirt.  I think they thought that they were bugs because they kept trying to pick them off, or nibble them off.

This little guy came from a family that had a baby.  He learned to suck his thumb from the human kid.

We had a great day hanging out with the elephants, the monkeys and Sunshine.  We were a little pooped from the heat - it was over 90 degrees.  We headed back to Jo'burg with Thai food on our mind.

We made it to the outskirts of town when my car started to decelerate.  I eased off the gas pedal and it was OK for another mile or so.  Luckily in this time we had turned off of an access road that had recently been built for a future development onto one of the main roads headed back into town.  The car started decelerating again.  I saw a shopping center on the other side of the road but I knew I couldn't make it to the turning lane and make it up the hill into the parking lot.  I was able to coast through the intersection and into one of the minibus pick up spots.  You know, this place.

Luckily we had missed rush hour so there were not nearly as many people.  What do you do when your car breaks down and you have no idea where you are?  First I tried the phone number on the sticker inside my car window for "AA".  I got voicemail.  SERIOUSLY???? VOICEMAIL??????

Next I called CP Dave.  He is the guy that does all the driving for the office.  The guy that made me drive back and forth to the office 4 times until he was certain that I wouldn't kill myself or drive down the road the wrong way.  He was an absolute savior.  He called AA and conferenced me in so I could try to give them my location (thank goodness for the shopping mall across the street!), he alerted the office admin who called to check on me several times and he sent one of his guys to come wait with us.  When that Hyundai minivan pulled up behind us, I have never been so happy in my whole life.  Cedric waited with us for another hour while we waited for the tow truck, then he dropped us back at the hotel.  It was a 2 bottle wine dinner after all the stress of the last 3 hours.  I am so thankful that Susan was with me, I am not sure what I would have done otherwise.  Probably said, "F-ck this" and deserted the car in the minibus lane.  

It gets even better.  When I called the Ford Dealership they said nothing was wrong with the car.  It started right up.  They ran it through all the diagnostics and couldn't find any issues.

The car breakdown leads us up to my trip to Victoria Falls - my next blog post.

Until my next dispatch from Jo'burg.  Totsiens and mooi loop!

My Relaxing Weekend

This weekend was the perfect relaxing weekend after my Zulu Wedding adventure in Durban last weekend.

After a week of slathering aloe salve on my sunburned face then experiencing all of the skin on my nose peeling off and most of my cheeks and forehead, my face is now as smooth as a baby's bottom.  Apparently the African sun is pretty strong and I ended last weekend looking like those a-holes that spend spring break skiing in Breck and come back with the goggle outline on their face.  I'll spare you a photo of the monstrosity that was my face.

Friday afternoon I excused myself from a meeting a few minutes early to make my 5pm yoga class.  My therapist would be so proud of me for prioritizing a little "me time".  It was nice to have a little yin and yang to start off the weekend.

Even though I now have a plethora of TV channels, I still love to watch all of the nature programs on BBC Earth, Nat Geo Wild and Animal Planet.  I am obsessed with finding out how they make these programs.  I watched a show about 2 lion brothers that they followed for over 4 years!  Their father was challenged as the king of the pride and lost so they were suddenly tossed out of the the pride.  They had to survive as loner lions with no pride as cubs less than 1 year old.  How did they follow these lions for 4 years?  The camera was there when one brother followed a female in heat for miles across the savanna swamps.  When her consort, the king of another pride, roared a warning to him, he woke up out of his hormone induced haze and realized he had no idea where he was and his brother was nowhere to be found.  He wandered around in the dark roaring for his brother for hours.  I was near tears thinking they would never find each other until suddenly, his brother roared in answer.  The reunion was amazing.  The cameras were there when the brothers challenged the king of another pride and won the prize of claiming the pride (and all of the female lions).  The cameras were also there when the brothers took turns mating with the same lioness (cheeky lioness).  HOW DO THEY MAKE THESE PROGRAMS?????

Saturday was dedicated to more "me time", starting with yoga at 8am.  I spent a couple of hours reading out by the pool then I had a 90 minute massage and a mani / pedi.  It felt so amazing.  I love my massage therapist.  He really works out the kinks.  I cooked salmon and veggies for dinner and watched more animal programs.  November is Africa month on Animal Planet so I had a great selection of programs to obsessively google to see if I can figure out how they make them.  If anyone can shed some light on this process, I will be forever grateful!

Today I went on a little adventure with a few of the Colgate folks that are also staying at this hotel.  We went to the Four Corners Farmer's market.

Its a cool, hip outdoor space that doesn't really sell produce.  It is a collection of beautiful gardens and food / drink stalls.

There are many types of local food as well as an array of international food to delight the tastebuds.  The Polish girls had eaten a late breakfast so they sampled cannolies while I tucked into a delicious "sandwich" of meat piled on top of cornbread topped with lots of delicious things.  There was a cute "sushi bus" but I am not trusting sushi from an outdoor stand when it is 85 degrees and the sun is beating down.

Paella anyone?

My meal of cornbread topped with beef, chicken, cheese and a few tasty sauces.  

Delicious!

It was an absolutely beautiful day to be sitting outside listening to live music and snacking on yummy food!

We headed out of there around 3:30 so I could make my 4:30 yoga class.  This is my favorite class in the rotation because it is mainly stretching and a lot of meditation.  Exactly what you need to get ready for a new week.

Now I am updating you on my goings on.  A perfect end to a perfectly relaxing weekend.

Until my next dispatch from Jo'burg.  Totsiens and mooi loop!

Zulu Wedding Adventure

This past weekend I ventured to Durban, on the east coast of South Africa to attend the wedding of one of my co-workers.  This coworker has actually been married over 5 years and already has two children.  This was actually no ordinary wedding, it was an Umabo.  An Umabo is a special ceremony that takes place after the bride's lobolo, or dowry, has been fully paid.

Lobolo typically starts at 10 cows and then is negotiated based on several factors such as education level, previous marriages, etc.  In modern day Johannesburg, most people don't have room for 10+ cows, so the lebolo payment is typically converted to money.  Lebolo has become less common in modern culture but the thought behind it is the groom is literally invested in the relationship and the couple will most likely stay together if the groom is in it for at least 10 cows.
I actually found an online lebolo calculator and I calculated my own worth.  I am worth around R40,000.  Apparently it works in my favor that I haven't been married (yet!) and I don't have children.  I do have to be honest and say the value may be a bit inflated since the age scale only went to 35.  Lets knock off R5000 and say I'm worth R35,000 to make up for the age factor.

I didn't really come to South Africa with wedding frocks so what does a girl do?  

Wear basic black and dresses it up with accessories!

I wanted to fit in by wearing something traditional so I donned a doek, or head scarf.  As a blonde white woman, there was not much else I could do to fit in with the Zulu folks at the wedding.

The week prior to the wedding I was listening to the radio on the way to work and they were discussing actual wedding start time vs appointed start time.  Basically the summary was "white people weddings start on time, black people weddings start anywhere from 1 hour to 3 hours late." (Yes, they are evolved enough to discuss cultural and racial differences).  The invitation stated the wedding would start at 11:00.  Anyone that knows me, knows this means Holly would arrive at the venue at 10:45.  At work we discussed the start time with the bride and she said "that is why you have my phone number".

The day of the wedding we begin our drive to the township where the wedding is being held at the groom's parent's home.  The GPS is no help at all so we try to navigate using google maps.  After wandering around quite a bit (google maps seems to enjoy taking us the scenic route every time) we find the street and spot the tent sent up in the yard for the ceremony.  As guests of the bride, we are supposed to wait until the bride arrives and follow her into the yard of her husband's family.  We grab a parking spot and confirm with the woman in the car next to us that, yes,  she is also here for Zwelihle & Nokubonga's wedding.

The waiting game then begins.  We arrived around 11:30.  We hang out in the car for a while, then we join the group in front of the tent.  There is a group of girls singing and dancing so I take a few videos and obligatory selfies.

Dance troop preparing for the wedding festivities

Who is this white lady taking a picture with us?

The wedding party begins to arrive around 1:00.  It is traditional for the bride to give several members of the groom's family blankets so we see the truck of blankets arrive along with the sacrificial goat.

We won't tell him that this party isn't for him

Blankets arriving to be presented to members of the groom's family

As the rest of the wedding party assembles there appears to be a Pitch Perfect dance / sing off beginning to take place.  As the bride's family approaches,  the groom's family begins performing traditional song and tribal dances.

It's time to throw down in a live dance / sing off!

Ceremonial drink

As the bride's family near the entrance to the groom's family property, a ceremonial drink appears to take place.  It is probably one of the Uncles who took the lead in the negotiation of the lebolo on behalf of the bride.

Around this time, I see the woman that had been in the car next to us approach.  She leans over to Ntombe and says something.  Ntombe looks at me with a panicked look so I walk over to see what is going on.  As I walk up I hear the woman saying "I wondered why I didn't know any of these people".  Excuse me?  What do you mean "we are at the wrong wedding".  Yes, folks, its true.  There were two weddings on the same street on the same day.  And we were at the wrong place.  Ntombe and I took off up the street to the location we were supposed to be at.  At this point it was almost 1:30 - the wedding was supposed to start over 2.5 hours ago.  What if we missed the whole thing?  How would we explain that to our co-worker?  As we rushed up the street as fast as our high heel shod feet would carry us, we noticed a group of people standing in front of the house.  This has to be a good sign right?  As we arrived at the house we saw the pile of blankets and much to our amazement and delight, the bride.  She had recently arrived and was preparing to lead her people into her groom's home.

Whew!  Made it!

The ceremony is steeped in tradition.  The bride's family takes branches and thrashes the groom.  The bride prepares a bed for her groom to sleep on.  She wakes him and washes his face.  There was a costume change from the traditional white wedding gown to a cow skirt for the bride and loin cloth for the groom and groomsmen.  I couldn't get many photos because we were not under the tent but here is a photo of one of the traditional dances performed by the groom and his groomsmen.

Traditional dance performed during the ceremony

The beautiful bride and her bridesmaids

All in, I believe the ceremony lasted about 3 hours.  There was a lot of waiting around while the bridal party prepared for different parts of the ceremony.  About 4:30 a nice gentleman took pity on me and brought me a chair to sit down on.  It made it hard to see the end of the festivities, but at this point I was not getting up for anything!

Getting to the reception was another adventure!  The invitation did not have an address for the Hall so we did the best we could.  We were able to google the general area but still could not locate an address.  Once we thought we were close to the right place we started asking folks walking down the road.  Amazingly three highly intoxicated gentleman were able to provide Ntombi with pretty good instructions (in Zulu) and she was able to guide us there with no issue.

My date for the affair, Ntombi, is another co-worker.  She helped me by wrapping my headscarf and being my co-pilot on this journey.  She helpfully pointed out to me that burning smell was the clutch on the rental car and that I was driving on the wrong side of the road on one occasion.

I knew that Ntombi was my African soul sister when she looked at me at the reception while we were waiting (again!) for the bridal party to arrive and said "I wish I was in bed right now".  After a day spent waiting and wedding, there was no place more I wanted to be at that exact moment but curled up in my bed at the hotel with a good book!

She is so talented - she designed and made that skirt!

The bride and groom arrived and the bridal party was announced and introduced.

The bride and groom dancing their way into the reception!

(the bride's 3rd outfit of the day)

The downside of starting the wedding 2+ hours late is you lose time on your rental at the reception hall.  The dinner and reception happened in a record time, finishing only 30 minutes late - around 6:30pm.

Ntombi and I were back at our hotel and I was curled up in bed with that book by 8:00pm!

Attending a traditional Zulu wedding was an amazing experience.  I was thrilled to be asked to attend and excited to share that experience with Ntombi.  She is an incredible young woman and will do well at Colgate! It is a day I will never forget.

Until my next dispatch from Jo'burg.  Totsiens and mooi loop!