Lobolo typically starts at 10 cows and then is negotiated based on several factors such as education level, previous marriages, etc. In modern day Johannesburg, most people don't have room for 10+ cows, so the lebolo payment is typically converted to money. Lebolo has become less common in modern culture but the thought behind it is the groom is literally invested in the relationship and the couple will most likely stay together if the groom is in it for at least 10 cows.
I actually found an online lebolo calculator and I calculated my own worth. I am worth around R40,000. Apparently it works in my favor that I haven't been married (yet!) and I don't have children. I do have to be honest and say the value may be a bit inflated since the age scale only went to 35. Lets knock off R5000 and say I'm worth R35,000 to make up for the age factor.
I didn't really come to South Africa with wedding frocks so what does a girl do?
Wear basic black and dresses it up with accessories!
I wanted to fit in by wearing something traditional so I donned a doek, or head scarf. As a blonde white woman, there was not much else I could do to fit in with the Zulu folks at the wedding.
The week prior to the wedding I was listening to the radio on the way to work and they were discussing actual wedding start time vs appointed start time. Basically the summary was "white people weddings start on time, black people weddings start anywhere from 1 hour to 3 hours late." (Yes, they are evolved enough to discuss cultural and racial differences). The invitation stated the wedding would start at 11:00. Anyone that knows me, knows this means Holly would arrive at the venue at 10:45. At work we discussed the start time with the bride and she said "that is why you have my phone number".
The day of the wedding we begin our drive to the township where the wedding is being held at the groom's parent's home. The GPS is no help at all so we try to navigate using google maps. After wandering around quite a bit (google maps seems to enjoy taking us the scenic route every time) we find the street and spot the tent sent up in the yard for the ceremony. As guests of the bride, we are supposed to wait until the bride arrives and follow her into the yard of her husband's family. We grab a parking spot and confirm with the woman in the car next to us that, yes, she is also here for Zwelihle & Nokubonga's wedding.
The waiting game then begins. We arrived around 11:30. We hang out in the car for a while, then we join the group in front of the tent. There is a group of girls singing and dancing so I take a few videos and obligatory selfies.
Dance troop preparing for the wedding festivities
Who is this white lady taking a picture with us?
The wedding party begins to arrive around 1:00. It is traditional for the bride to give several members of the groom's family blankets so we see the truck of blankets arrive along with the sacrificial goat.
We won't tell him that this party isn't for him
Blankets arriving to be presented to members of the groom's family
As the rest of the wedding party assembles there appears to be a Pitch Perfect dance / sing off beginning to take place. As the bride's family approaches, the groom's family begins performing traditional song and tribal dances.
It's time to throw down in a live dance / sing off!
Ceremonial drink
As the bride's family near the entrance to the groom's family property, a ceremonial drink appears to take place. It is probably one of the Uncles who took the lead in the negotiation of the lebolo on behalf of the bride.
Around this time, I see the woman that had been in the car next to us approach. She leans over to Ntombe and says something. Ntombe looks at me with a panicked look so I walk over to see what is going on. As I walk up I hear the woman saying "I wondered why I didn't know any of these people". Excuse me? What do you mean "we are at the wrong wedding". Yes, folks, its true. There were two weddings on the same street on the same day. And we were at the wrong place. Ntombe and I took off up the street to the location we were supposed to be at. At this point it was almost 1:30 - the wedding was supposed to start over 2.5 hours ago. What if we missed the whole thing? How would we explain that to our co-worker? As we rushed up the street as fast as our high heel shod feet would carry us, we noticed a group of people standing in front of the house. This has to be a good sign right? As we arrived at the house we saw the pile of blankets and much to our amazement and delight, the bride. She had recently arrived and was preparing to lead her people into her groom's home.
Whew! Made it!
The ceremony is steeped in tradition. The bride's family takes branches and thrashes the groom. The bride prepares a bed for her groom to sleep on. She wakes him and washes his face. There was a costume change from the traditional white wedding gown to a cow skirt for the bride and loin cloth for the groom and groomsmen. I couldn't get many photos because we were not under the tent but here is a photo of one of the traditional dances performed by the groom and his groomsmen.
Traditional dance performed during the ceremony
The beautiful bride and her bridesmaids
All in, I believe the ceremony lasted about 3 hours. There was a lot of waiting around while the bridal party prepared for different parts of the ceremony. About 4:30 a nice gentleman took pity on me and brought me a chair to sit down on. It made it hard to see the end of the festivities, but at this point I was not getting up for anything!
Getting to the reception was another adventure! The invitation did not have an address for the Hall so we did the best we could. We were able to google the general area but still could not locate an address. Once we thought we were close to the right place we started asking folks walking down the road. Amazingly three highly intoxicated gentleman were able to provide Ntombi with pretty good instructions (in Zulu) and she was able to guide us there with no issue.
My date for the affair, Ntombi, is another co-worker. She helped me by wrapping my headscarf and being my co-pilot on this journey. She helpfully pointed out to me that burning smell was the clutch on the rental car and that I was driving on the wrong side of the road on one occasion.
I knew that Ntombi was my African soul sister when she looked at me at the reception while we were waiting (again!) for the bridal party to arrive and said "I wish I was in bed right now". After a day spent waiting and wedding, there was no place more I wanted to be at that exact moment but curled up in my bed at the hotel with a good book!
She is so talented - she designed and made that skirt!
The bride and groom arrived and the bridal party was announced and introduced.
The bride and groom dancing their way into the reception!
(the bride's 3rd outfit of the day)
The downside of starting the wedding 2+ hours late is you lose time on your rental at the reception hall. The dinner and reception happened in a record time, finishing only 30 minutes late - around 6:30pm.
Ntombi and I were back at our hotel and I was curled up in bed with that book by 8:00pm!
Attending a traditional Zulu wedding was an amazing experience. I was thrilled to be asked to attend and excited to share that experience with Ntombi. She is an incredible young woman and will do well at Colgate! It is a day I will never forget.
Until my next dispatch from Jo'burg. Totsiens and mooi loop!
Wow!! That was an adventure!
ReplyDeleteThat was truly amazing!! To take part in such a thing...I felt like I was right there with you as you described the events.
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